How is your sleep?

I was asked about my stress levels at my last dentist appointment. For awhile now… who knows… maybe over a year, at least (????) I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night with my jaw completely locked. It doesn’t wake me up completely, but when my jaw muscles feel tight in the morning I have the dream-like memory of my teeth clamped together and my jaw being locked.

I kept it to myself and planned to keep it that way, but apparently it’s obvious to a dentist when a patient does this (I have indentations in my back molars). They suggested a mouth guard and okay, fine… but I also would rather dig into the source of the stress vs just add guardrails around the symptoms and their impact on my body.

So the answer is yes, I am stressed. In some ways I choose to be stressed, in some ways I’m passing through temporary stress, and in some ways life is just some version of constant stress that ebbs and flows between mild and spicy.

There are a lot of things I am actively in the work of doing better or differently, but today’s post is about the things that I am doing right.

To be clear, I often feel like I’m failing. I have panic levels of computer work. I forgot about the fun Christmas activity, at 3 AM I remember that I still need to send that meeting invite out, I lament at how many things I have to write about and never do, I can never think of anything new to cook, etc.

The other night I started crying after realizing how little of a dent I had made in my day, despite working all day and feeling completely fried. I needed this little breakdown because something inside me also laughed and said “it’s because this is impossible!”

I feel like I’m failing if I am not at 100 in 100% of my life, 100% of the time.

When I can see it that way I know it’s a ridiculous standard. There’s so much space and opportunity when I don’t have the “nothing but 100” mindset. Laughing in the face of stress and telling myself it feels hard because the standard is impossible lightens the stress.

My sleep is also great and not in a “we-have-a-19-month-old-and-it-is-all-relative” kind of way. While I can assure you that new parents all take their hits somewhere, we are not *currently* taking our hits in the sleep department. Here is what helps

1. Have a bed you crave getting into!

   1. Get a good mattress but don’t go crazy. Organic does matter and we spend so many hours laying on these. Also, get one that doesn’t move or wake you up when your partner adjusts. We have this one from My Green Mattress and it’s my favorite, ever. We also have this one from Eve in our guest room and get a lot of great feedback on it. Amy swears by Avocado and I can attest that they are very, very comfortable.

   2. Add a mattress topper. We have the one from My Green Mattress but there are tons on Amazon and pretty much any bedding store.

   3. Buy a good pillow, get rid of the ones that hurt your neck and rotate when needed. Right now my favorite is from Coop. I’ve also bought Casper, Brooklinen, random ones from Marshalls, Snowe, Pillow Cube, and Eve. I really think my neck changes every 3-4 months because sometimes a pillow I love randomly starts giving me headaches. The rotation is the best solution for me.

   4. Sheets! Get what you like and who cares about thread count. You can go crazy on these, but I really don’t think you need to. These are my three most lasting favorites: Lands’ End, Ugg, and this company

   5. Have a fuzzy blanket that’s sandwiched between two flat sheets. So it goes - fitted sheet, flat sheet, fuzzy blanket, flat sheet, then some kind of blanket or comforter. This keeps warmth and coziness without adding too much weight. I personally do not like duvet covers over a comforter because I feel like I’m always fighting with it to stay in the right place. This was my solution to that.

2. Set up the right environment around the bed

   1. Add an air filter / purifier (also acts as white noise if you run it at night).

   2. Diffuser / humidifier, particularly in winter. I add essential oils in ours - usually some combination of lavender, eucalyptus, cinnamon and orange.

   3. Blackout curtains - if you can see your hand when you hold it in front of your face, it’s not dark enough!

   4. Eye mask - I used to only do this when travelling, but I think it signals to my brain that it’s time to go to sleep. I wear a nice silk one all the time now.

   5. No TV or screens in the bedroom. I think this is one of the biggest impact moves you can make. I haven’t had a TV in my bedroom since 2012 and swear by it. Get an old-school clock for your alarm, it’s charming! It also prevents you from looking at your phone first thing in the morning.

Sleep tight and thanks for reading,

Rachel